Like always I procrastinated.
Is that a good thing?
But I finally did my science experiment.
It was really messy.
And wet.
And very soily.
So I did it with my pj's on.
Won't be sleeping in those for a while!
Drew graphs.
And all that.
Tommorow my Daddy said I would continue to swim.
I wanted to start school sports again.
Basket ball.
And maybe cross country.
But now the only one I can do is softball.
I love throwing that ball.
Today, unbelively my room is clean.
I am going to try to leave it this way.
I did three trials.
Tommorow I have to go back to school.
I really do not want to go.
You better be in your seats.
I love you all but you gotta be quiet.
Its alls I want.
I don't think I can bear another one of those.
I love it.
Its good with eggs.
And cheeseburgers.
And chicken tenders.
But strangely I don't like it with french fries.
My Daddy says;
Little girl, eat it the right ay.
My Daddy is rather funny.
He makes me laugh.
I just watched the last episode of ; The Pick up Artist.
Simione won.
I knew it all slong.
It was the hat.
Yeee Hah.
That was it.
The secret ingrediant.
Ohh and those two cd's I got last time.
Were Day and Age by the Killers.
And the songs from the musical West Side Story.
I liked West Side Stroy better.
Day and Age didn't rock my world.
I only really liked Human.
Balloons are still floating around.
And I realized that I was not the center of attention any longer.
No longer an only child.
My little brother took that from me.
Along with my pureness and innocence.
Now he owned it.
Well when he's older we're going to have fun.
Climbing trees.
Making sand castles.
Listening to music.
Dancing randomly.
Concepts on the opposite sex.
Pushing each other.
All that good stuff.
I watched the Family Man yesterday.
I didn't really like it.
The ending was a little rough.
But I do like Nicholas Cage.
This is Toss Across!
I used to love it when I was a kid.
That was just a line from a Christmas movie.
My science fair log book.
Is empty.
There is like nothing in it.
I remember there was a time when I said I would never stop believing in fairy tales.
And look at me now.
Not believing.
Being a total hypocrite.
I hate when you turn on your own self.
It is a really bad feeling.
Like what I'm feeling now.
Chirstmas is almost coming.
Tell me if you are of a different religion besides Roman Catholic do you celebrate it?
Just wondering.
I read in a ya book that they do.
Meli <3
And remember....
Humor is a gift from God.


Well I promise to post more later.
Its just that I have to be somewhere by nine.
I got five comments yesterday.
Thats the most comments I have ever gotten.
I was so happy.
My cousin is back.
But she is not going to be in the mood to talk b/c she is sick.
I have to go.


My Butter

Well today is my brother's birthday.
Its a Sesame Street themed party.
Oh yeah.
Picked it out myself.
Got him two gifts.
And play doe.
Both of which I am highly fond of.
The bubbles are scented.
And the play doe in different colors.
Its practically my birthday party too.
What will we fill the pinata with?
Well my brother looks so cute.
I am going to start calling him my butter.
Because he is chubby and fat.
My butter.
My Daddy is off to get "the-cake-you-can-play-with."
Once again I ask you my fellow bloggers; Can't you play with all cakes?
It was my Mommy's idea.
Family will be here.
Wondered if I should have invited friends.
But honeslty...
I would not like them to come to my baby brother's birthday party.
No offense if you are out their.
Wink wink.
I am still debating the items to put in the pinatas.
Any ideas?
The party is on its way.
I wish my cousin were here.
But sadly she is not.
She is in another city.
South of me.
Probably has a cold.
I am sorry if you are sick, nenna.
Nenna is my nick name for her.
She is my best friend.
My real lover.
The one who I would also die for.
We practically tell each other everything.
Nenna what do you fear the most?
Fear itslef.
Teddy Rosevelt said that.
I know.
I love that line.
So do I.
You know that line right?
We have nothing to fear but fear itslef.
I love it.
I watched White Chicks yesterday.
I love that movie.
It makes me laugh.
Heres a line from it;
A white girl with an ass of a black girl.
The movie itself is pretty stupid.
But it is one of those stupid movies thats sooo stupid that makes you laugh so hard it makes your belly ache.
Either that or you have to pee really bad.
Waiting for the truck to come by.
The thundering engine.
Thats how you know Christine is near.
By the engine roaring.
Wish my butter a happy birthday.
Leave a comment.
You know how much I love those.
Do I make you laugh?
I hope so.
Even if not I hope I entertain you.
All my love...
from a not so white chick but not black...
but more a tannish color.
Good afternoon.
You know who I am.


Darling Dears Thanks

Does anyone really want to know me more?
I am going to do a survey.
Darling Dears and Ana gave me the idea.
So yeah.
Sorry if you do not like it if I copied you.
1. Are you straight? I question my sexuality. Although I am 99% positive I am straight.
2. What bothers you the most? When people act dumb. No wait when people pretend to be something they are not.
3. Do you have any siblings? Yes. But he's a half brother.
4. Your favorite show? That 70's Show
5. Is there anything you do not like about your body? Hmmm. Nope only my legs right after shaving. They are all scaly and ugly.
6. Do you cry a lot? Yes especially after seeing a sad movie or after seeing something that is emotional that I can relate too.
7. Do you have a crush? No not at the moment. But I was watching the '90's hottest celebrities and Marky Mark aka Mark Wahlberg was so muscular and hot.
8. Do you laugh at stupid things? Yes.
9. What is your favorite word that you know? Loliggaging
10. Your favorite color? Well. It is more like a shade but black. I am not goth. It is just that I like how it blends in with other colors.
11. Do you know anyone you dislike greatly? Yes.
12. What is thier name? Lets call the group "plastics"
13. When was the last time anyone hit on you? In sixth grade. I was surprised by my courage to respond but I did. But too bad the dude is taken.
14. Who do you love? My mommy.
15. Would you die for this person, willingly? Definetly.
16. If someone harmed that person what would you do? It depends. But I would get them back REAL good. And I am not kidding. I would.
17. What makes you happy? My family and friends.
18. Has anyone ever hurt you physically? No. I am thankful for that.
19. Any books you have read recently? Look for me by Moonlight. It was a love story. But I was really dissapointed when there was a vampire in it. At least in being in love with the girl he tried to kill her. But wait isn't that a bad thing? Yeah. But at least it is not like TWILIGHT!
20. What do you think people see in you the first time they see you? Sacagawea.
21. Do racist people disgust you? Hell yeah.
22. Do you know any? Yeah. But I hate them any way.
23. If you broke out in song what would you sing? I'm a goofy goober now. Just kidding.... I would sing I feel pretty. It was in the musical WEST SIDE STORY.
24. Your favorite actress? Catherine Zeta Jones
Well I am tired of typing sooo...
I am going to stop.
Love you all people.
Infinte x's and o's.
Effin is a word.
Maybe I made it maybe I did not?
The world will never know.
Me and Myslef.

Black Friday

Woke up today feeling like crap by my "sister."
Around sevenish.
And that was early considering we did not have any school.
We went shopping and it was Black Friday.
Hey we had to live it up to its name.
First we went up to Styles.
Then Target.
And it was mobbbed.
I bought two cds.
Something I have never done in my life.
Buying a cd.
I want to go to the library and get some new books.
But my 'rents are not in the mood for driving me there.
And neither am I.
Although I would like to read a really good book.
Any recommandations??
Uhhh...all my books are just I don't know.
About retarded teenagers.
No teenagers are not usually retarded.
And survey says that, that is not the most difficult age for people.
Middle school is!
I never knew that.
Middle school girls getting pregnant?
What the hell has happened to thid world?
Ohh and I made a new word.
If you do not want to say the "f-word" all you do is say is effin.
For example:
Take your effin hands away from me.
Its sorta stupid but hey if you are one of those people who is holy and does not like to swear.
Then I approve for your use of..!
Well my Daddy called me.
And he is going to buy me a book instead.
I love books.
See how little things like that make me happy?
Yes they do!
Thanksgiving was fulling.
I had some pecan and pumpkin pie.
They were soooo good.
I am so glad.
Everything was delicious.
Well goobye.
Oh one more thing I am watching Bring it On.
Bye for real this time.
Andrew's birthday is tommorow.
There will be two.
You can play with it.
Wait can't you play with all cake?
Thats waht I said.
But who knows.



I made another blog and deleted the other blog.
I like the other new blog I made.
It is more image-like.


Well it is obvious that Darling Dears knows very well who I am.
I put in some new pictures on the right.
And I love every single one of them.
They just seem to give you a message.
I don't know.
Well Mommy and Andrew will be here soon.
And I cannot wait.
Does anyone know what today is?
I am going to have a turkey and some pumpking pie!
I love all those things.
Well not the turkey.
Some people have nice figures.
I mean really nice.
And all.
And thats fine.
But there is such thing as modesty.
Thats what they are called.
Stick out your butt purposely and then they call you a slut.
Thats what happens.
People have labeled you for life.
Now you are stuck with a horrible nick name.
This has never happened to me and honestly I am glad.
There is going to be a new Harry Potter movie and I so will see it.
Daniel Radcliffe.
Emma Watson.
The red head guy's name who I do not know.
Him too.
I love them all.
I wonder how old they are???
Does anyone know?
If you do know.
Comment even if you do not know.
Well I am going to read my book.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Gobble gobble.


Fun Fun Fun

Today there is going to be a whole lot of fun.
With big balls.
Don't get the wrong idea.
Those balls were made for rolling down a lane.
A slippery lane.
I am going to have soo much fun.
I even think I might finish reading my book.
Well Smorgan confessed that he/she loves the All American Rejects.
So do I.
Growing up is a major pain.
All those hairs you have to shave.
Gaining weight.
Lovers who may break your heart.
Does this fit or not?
Does he/she like me?
I have this sweat shirt that I love.
Its my Daddy's old college sweat shirt.
Its sort of big but very comforatble.
I was thinking of names to call myself and I made up a good one.
Although I am not going to share it with you because it is very embarassing.
But funny.
Any crushes?
No none.
A boy comes to mind that I think likes me.
Do I like him?
When I see his face it makes me laugh.
Not because he is ugly...
But because he just is a freak.
But he makes me laugh.
Not really.
I make him laugh.
I used to like him.
But not anymore.
No sir.
For real.
Stephanie is gone and I really miss her.
I wonder what she's up to.
Eating a hot dog?
Broad way?
Watching a movie?
Taking a taxi?
In the empire state building??
Who knows.
I wish I did.
What comes to mind is You truely know how much you love someone when they are no longer with you.
That is what I am thinking.
I hope she is having fun.
Not being a wet blanket.
She isn't like that.
Is she?
At least not with me.
Well I have to go buy some turkey for Thanksgiving.
And some other stuff.
So goodbye.
Loads of love for those who follow and comment.



Darling Dears thinks she knows who I am.
I know who she is.
I know who Finn is.
I know everything.
Well, not everything but most of it.
My book was starting to get good when...
A freaking vampire came in.
I was like what???
Another vampire love story???
Please no.
Well only one good thing came out of it.
The vampire did not really love the girl.
He pretended to love the girl.
Vincent you bastard!
How could you just suck my blood and leave me here, and not love me?
Well I will tell you why.
He is a vampire.
That is an original vampire.
The way I will always remember a vampire.
Being in a coffin.
No light.
Suck your blood and kill you.
I am not like a vampire obssesed Twilighter.
I am so tired of hearing all this Bella and Edward crap.
Edward won't you be my lover???
Oh my lordie.
I just do not like that book because of people's obssesion.
Does anyone like Leanordo Dicrapio?
I do.
I am not obssesed but man...
He is so pulchritodonous...
I love him.
It makes me smile.
Laugh, laugh.
What else to talk about???
Sexy Back.
When I first heard that song I literally thought someone had a sexy back.
Your voice is a combination of Fergie and Jesus!
I heard that on t.v and I started cracking up.
Ha ha.
Thanks for being a fan.

One Word

Benji I meant to put "The Hoe Depot."
My tongue is blue from sucking on a lollipop.
I saw an old man.
He was weak and alone.
Helplessly trying to get in the car.
I felt bad.
I wanted to go over to him and help him in.
But what would he think or say?
Get your filthy hands off me?
Or thanks.
There's also the possibilty of a racist remark..
Where I might get angry.
And you don't want me angry..
Because I cuss and hit and yell and all of the above.
The old man was very sad.
Just another point of the sorrow we have in this world.
That really is sorrowish.
Oh and another point...
I saw a homless man with a suitcase and a small backpack.
Sneaking into a part of the woods.
What a pity.
Told my folks but they did not say a word.
What would they have to say?
I do not know.
I cannot even say anything.
I am... how do you call it???


Donkeys with no Brains

We laughed.
We sang.
We enjoyed.
We hysterically laughed.
We chuckled.
Our eyes widended.
It was a long day.
At first we were all bored.
Then we actually had the "day."
It was fun.
We learned.
Saw an armadillo for the first time in my life!
Then we went back and saw The Hoe Depot.
They were holidng hands.
Was I jealous?
But I know what I was missing.
I could not help but feeling a little lonley.
Enough of that.
The most fun we had was coming back.
Giggiling and everything.
Ha ha ha.
I can do it all over again.
The Cool Crew called me a freak.
Screw them.
They are asses.
With no brains.
Just imagine it a donkey with no brain.
Thats them.
Asses with no brain.
Hee heee hoo hoo.
Why aren't you friends with them?
Thats not a good enough reason.
Well if you must know I do not like them because they are mean.
No way.
Yes way.
They are funny.
I guess so.
But maybe if they could act less assy.
Whatever you say.
You like this post.


When I read Jaerixon's something post I was sort of angry.
Like a what the hell kind of angry.
But then I realized.
That he was partially right.
I do care about my education.
I did not mean I do not worry about grades and all that because I do.
But that is what she always talks to me about.
Always saying it is soooo important.
So this and that.
And I understand.
But imagine her always telling you about education.
Not about love.
Or boys.
Or any of that.
How the hell would you feel?
When she's not around to giude you?
You F ing tell me how you feel.
Because dammit I am angry.
I dream.
Of things that may never come true.
Because I do.
And if people tell me to grow up.
I will not.
First of all you are probably not grown up.
And you don't do what I at least try to do.
Step in other people's shoes.
Okay I am going to go cool off.
Comment please.


It is What It Is

My dream is not to figure out where to put nuclear waste.
It is not to be the smartest person on Earth.
It is not to be a good kisser.
Or to be a stripper.
It is to fall in love.
All she ever talks about is how important my education is.
I am sick of it.
I am smart.
My education is not what I am worried about.
I want to meet someone.
Who makes me laugh.
And smile.
And feel that feeling.
Thats so irresistible.
I want the real deal not that only-to-have-sex-with-you-stuff.
Thats wrong.
Super wrong.
I hate people like that.
Man/woman hoes.
It disgusts me.
Many people don't know what love is.
I am not sure what love is.
But I think its wonderful.
It is every good feeling that has ever been felt in the history of ever.
It is fast.
And lovely.
And beautiful.
Love is love.


Barbie Meets Ken

I have never been kissed on the lips before.
I am not ready for that yet.
When I am older.
Maybe even drunk.
But I don't wannna be drunk when I have my first kiss.
I want to be surprised.
I want to be impressed.
I want to be in love.
Its almost the same way, when I do "it."
I don't want to do it with just anybody.
I want it to be extra-ordinary.
I want everything to be special.
But nothing ends up that way.
Everything so far has just happened with a poof!
Like all of a sudden, I have an ability to make other people laugh.
Or suprisingly I make friends with everyone I say "hi" to.
All of a sudden my "friends" exclude me from a lot.
But I don't want it to just happen.
I want it to be a Barbie meets Ken moment.


Exclusion Hurts

I felt left out.
Totally ex-cluded.
A freak.
A total left out.
And now there off somewhere.
Was I invited?
Was this a school thing?
I certainly was not aware of it.
I'm not "cool" material.
What the hell.
I don't care.
Okay, maybe I do.
I cannot help it.
I'm stuck here watching caveman commercials.
Watching John Trovolta.
Everything except that.
Exclusion hurts.
Especailly when you thought you were in.
But you were really a decoy.
Merely, an obsatcle.
That they just knocked down with a painful kick.



I am ashamed to be a part of it.
I never wanted to be like that.
Always saying they are freaks.
Always making fun of them.
Always excluding them.
I never wanted to do that.
So why is it that when the world tells me to do those things that I do?
I am such an ass.
A hypocrite.
What the hell is wrong with me?
I cannot figure myself out.
I try not to make fun of them.
I think the true reason for that is that maybe I am one of them??
I do not know.
I am scared to be one of them.
I don't know why.
I don't know.



I like who I am.
I honestly do.
I like what I look like, my sense of humor; everything.
It’s just that sometimes it seems that the male gender has an easier time.
They won’t get pregnant.
They won’t be disappointed easily.
They won’t feel guilty if they’re “players.”
They don’t cry because they feel like it.
I am not saying I don’t like being a female.
I am only saying that sometimes it seems easier for guys.
I don’t know.
I wonder?

A %&#$@

I was at a photo shoot today.
I mean I am not a super model or anything.
It's just that my Dad had his job thingy.
I met firefighters.
They were supposed to be hot but they were not.
It was cold.
And I couldn't help feeling cold.
I felt so empty and sad.
And lonely.
And like a total bio-tch.
If you don't like cursing I'm sorry.
But that is totally how I felt.
Like a royal bitch.
We always spend our time feeling sorry for ourselves.
And now look at me.
I always feel bad for myself and now I am a bitch?
But hey I guess thats life.



I knew something bad she had done.
I'm not sure I wanted to tell but I did not know what to do.
I was scared and angry.
She had "commited a crime."
Like she always accused us of doing.
What a hypocrite.
She has always been that way.
Ever since I knew her.
When I first came to the school peole warned me about her.
And now I knew.
I knew who and what she was.
I felt bad for her.
She was wierd.
If I was trying to be nice.
I wondered what it was like to be her.
Did she feel like shit everyday she woke up?
Did she know that no one liked her?
Did she realize how "different" she was?
I wonder.
I have to admit it, if I were her.
I don't know what I would have done.
That is probably something she thinks about a lot.
A lot.
Its scary.
I'm scared for her.
Is there any word to describe her?


My Good Day

Strangely today I had a good day.
I mean in my real world there are no such days as super-duper good days.
There are only the okay good days.
Anyway I made people laugh.
I always love making people laugh.
I drew the water and nitrogen cycle.
I'm not an artist but I have to say it was pretty good.
I am watching Santa Baby remembering the good old days.
When I used to lick cheeto cheese of my fingers.
I still do that.
I remember things.
Things most people would forget.


This Call

I am growing up faster and faster.
I'm yelling at you to come closer.
You can't hear me.
I'm yelling at you louder and stronger with tears in my eyes.
But, you still can't hear me.
You cannot hear that call for help I have been sending to you my whole life.
I'm tired of those excuses.
I'm growing weak.
The only thing that can make me stronger is you to be closer to me.
I'm not going to shout.
I'm not going to scream.
I will be waiting for you to answer my call.
All it takes is for you to come closer.
Please, I'm begging you to hear this call of need.


A Cause and Effect Moment

Yesterday was the school social.
I guess you can say it was fun.
I danced with my friends.
They danced with me.
Some of my buds slow danced with their " boy... friends."
I did not dance with any boy.
I'm okay with that.
But, I have to admit when the slow dance songs came on I couldn't help but feel a little empty.
When I came home my feet hurt so much.
I missed so much, because I went to the dance.
His first steps.
His shock when he took them.
The ice cream eating with my parents.
I love ice cream.
Everything becasue I just HAD to go this social.
I missed everything because of the social.
When I could have been home having a whole other party with the people who truely love me.
I could have been home with non-hurting feet.
But I was at the social.
Because, because, because.
I guess you can call it cause and effect.



Are you supposed to love those who have hurt those you love?
I am not sure.
But I sure don't.
He hurt her.
Not physically.
But mentally.
I hate him.
I really do.
Sure, God would love me to love him but I cannot.
I cannot.
I simply cannot love him.
He is a horrible man who did a horriblething.
He broke her heart when she needed him.
He broke my heart because I was inside her.
He acts like he loves me.
I don't know if I should trust him.
For right now I won't.
There is nothing else to say.


I really love it when people comment my work it makes me feel appreciated.
Thanks for those of you who commented.
Thanksgiving is coming up soon.
Have you figured out what to be thankful for?
I am thankful for being loved.
I am thankful that there are people who love me back like my friends and family.
Anyway I thought about something when I was pouring some grape juice into a cup.
I thought about love.
I mean really love?
What is it?
We all think love is uncomplicated and easy.
But is it?
In The Secret Life of Bee's Queen Latifah thinks other wise.
But I am not sure.
All I know is I want to fall in love with someone.
Who will always love me.
And never forget me.
I'm not sure that will ever happen.
But I'll keep hoping.


A Way of Life

All around me I hear people talking to me.
They are talking nonsense.
They are talking reality.
Damn I do hate reality.
It's like that huge zit on your face that everyone notices when they talk to you.
Laughing, they say is good for the heart.
I love to laugh.
But beware when I laugh.
It is really odd.
My mouth goes into an O-shape.
And bamm it like a hyena.
But laughing is like my way of living.
The way I am classified.
People say hey you're that dudet it with a wierd laugh.
Yep thats me.
But I'm okay with that.
I love to laugh.
I wish I could have someone who makes me laugh all day long.
I wish I could be with someone who always puts a grin on my face.
I wish.
I wish.
I just keep on wishing.
All I practicually do is wish and laugh and cry and be depressed.
And all that crap.
But enough of me.
Tell me do you enjoy laughing.
Like me?
Or do you think laughing is a waste?
Remember to some people laughing is a way of life.
Or in some cases it is thier life.



You know what I like about little children?
Before, you get any strange ideas I'm not a perveted freak.
But my point is the following.
I love their pureness and innocence.
I love how they can be so clueless and not worry about anything.
I wish I were like that.
Pure and innocent.
And of course I am not pure.
Are all my thoughts or dreams pure?
Little children they are exactly like puppies.
They play with you and they let you pet them and they are easily fooled.
But I think everyone around us are like little children.
We are easily fooled by something.
We are all a little clueless.
Are we all little children?
I think you can say we are.


Nothing Special

I'm looking out the window and I can feel the wind blow through my hair.
It feels good.
I check myslef out in the mirror, nothing special.
I'm thinking about my day, my life, my everything.
I feel pathetic.
I feel like a weiner in a land of beautiful hamburgers.
How awful is that?
A Land of beautiful hamburgers?
Anyway, I am quite unique.
It started with my dad and mom and you can figure out the rest.
What a jerk he was.
I have not forgiven him yet.
But now the person I see in the mirror that has nothing special is me.
The person I am today.
What a drag.
Get the hell over it.
I should.
Someone guide me.

My Own Little World

I live in my own little world where everything is perfect.
Everything here is graceful and peaceful.
It is nothing like the real world where I live in.
In my real world there is suffering and sorrow.
Do you know how tired I am of sorrow?
Nobody does.
Did everyone hear that?
Please listen to me.
Can you hear me?