It makes its way inside you.
Forces itself inside, whether you want it there or not.
It's there.

It slowly makes its way, it fills you up.
It swelling and it pops.
It's everywhere.

I don't ever want it to fill me up.
I already made up my mind.
I cannot risk any chances.
The consequences......

How can something so good end up so bad?
I know what happens.
It lies, it cheats, it destroys.
And once again, I ask, how could something so good end up so bad?



I just sat there,
staring at the screen door,
wondering what was going to happen next.

I walked around a bit,
and found nothing to amuse myself with.

I tried to fiddle with my hands but it doesn't work.
I cannot stop thinking about it.

Every where I go, there's something that reminds me.
It brings back memories, so much that I'm overwhelmed with emotions and want to cry.
I'm bored, but I think it goes deeper than that...
I don't want to think about THEM.

They make me so happy, but thinking about them fills me with grief.
I want them here, so badly. I miss them so much.
I wish it wasn't like this.

I'm weak and cry, but I cannot stop myself. Tears swell up in my eyes,
I try to blink them away, but they come down too quickly.

I wish they would listen to these pleas. Not just swat them away.
People think it's simple, but it's not.
It's so complicated......

Everywhere I go the thought of them haunts me, I just want them to be here, with me.



I don't know what it's like.
But, I can imagine.

You stand there, you're so scared you cannot talk.
Should you say a prayer?
What are you supposed to do?
Tears are rolling down your face.

You think, maybe I should have gone to church with my mom.
Something holy.

Try not to be afraid.
Be strong.
Don't cry.

But, honestly tell me.

I want to kill you.
I want to call you so many names....

You bastard,
Does it make you feel like a man,
When you kill innocent people?



Sometimes, I have these crazy day dreams.
That we are dancing around having a hell of a great time.
It feels like we are saving the world.

The room spins.
I'm getting dizzy but I don't seem to care.

Am I on drugs?
I don't think so.
God knows, I hate stuff like that.

We continue to dance.
I'm getting dizzier and happier.
I'm laughing really hard.
I'm smiling.

I'm having a hell of a good time.



It is so retarded.
That something like that made me cry.

I was practically blubbering.
Sobbing so hard it hurt my throat.

It was one of those things,
That made you so happy,
You were jealous.

You wanted to be in that moment.
You wanted it all for yourself.
But, you know those things don't happen.
Only in movies or books.

I believe they're called fairy tales.

I am crying again.
Harder and even louder.
Because, truthfully,
It should have been my moment.

I should have been the others envied.


You have no idea what it feels like.
You are held against your will.
Trying to get it all over with.

But, you are stuck.
No one can save you.
Just get it over with.

It is coming.
You were prepared.

You want to die.
You feel horrible.
You just want to lie on the floor.
Stare at the ceiling...

No one can save you,
You just have to be ready,
When it comes.


Please, notice me !

We sit right next to each other.
It's been three days now.
I feel like we are getting somewhere.
I wonder, if you even notice me.
I hope you do.
It has been forever since, I have liked anyone.
There is something about you that makes me laugh.
Like, we could be friends or more..
But, no one has ever liked me like that.
Why is that?
It really does not bother me, but sometimes..
It does.
I hope you turn my way.
Catch a few glances.
I look at you.
You, pretend like you weren't staring.
I just hope you notice.