12.04.2008

Nightmare

What I dreamed about;

I was trapped.
In the worse place I could think of besides hell.
He was right there beside me.
Looking at me.
With the big dark brown intensive eyes.
That so much resembled mine.
I hoped he would not say the words that I dreaded.
And of course they were the first words out of his mouth.
I love you.
At that point something had snapped inside of me.
I sobbed, really really hard.
I was lying on the floor.
Practically twitching.
He came over and put his hairy arms around me.
I tried to pull them off.
But he was too strong.
He was not hurting me.
He was totally clueless.
Of the fact I hated him.
Because he had broken her heart.
I wanted to yell at him.
To make him feel miserable.
How was I supposed to love him?
How?
They all said the same thing...
You should love him because he's your ------.
(That was not a curse word it was just a person involved in my life who I would not like to put).
I was still crying.
Really hard.
Through the sobs I yellled at him;
Why?
Why did you do it?
How could you?
While I was in her?
Thinking you were the best ------ ever.
But you weren't.
You betrayed her.
You betrayed us!
I will never forgive you for that!
And for that reason, you no longer are my ------.
He replied;
I'm sorry.
You're right.
If I was you I would not forgive myself either.
I'd hate me.
And I'm truelt sorry.
It was a big mistake that happened a long time ago.
(He looked down in shame)
(At this point his hands were not around me)
I could see tears in his face.
You know what I did?
What I never thought I would do..
I went over to him gave him a kiss.
And said "I forgive you."

Thats when I woke up.
Disturbed.
Confused.
Annoyed.
All of that.

I don't know if it was a message from God or what?
But I think it meant something.
Something.
But who knows what.
I need advice.
Tell me what you think.
Please.

:(
Dream?
More like a nightmare.

4 Comments.:

smorgan said...

I think you should forgive him...
Maybe you dreamed about forgiving him because your soul wants to but your flesh doesn't.
Gosh, I sounded so spiritual..hehe
But don't feel bad...It's just a dream, a bad one.
Here, where I come from, if you had a bad dream, you should tell it to other people.
It's taboo to keep it to yourself because end up getting eaten up by it.
Feel better okay...

Darling Dears. said...

i'm a little confused, but i think i know what you mean. maybe you should forgive him. maybe just a tad.
but maybe i have it wrong.
just do whatever makes the most sense. or what makes you happy. or..
i'm not sure. i'm out of ideas.

i need to stop typing.

someone said...

As you said it is a sign from the Big One to forgive him.

We all have to move in life. You'll learn someday. We'll never lose faith in you.

Benji (Rafe) Pacheco said...

haha....a message from God...